I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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