It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
