he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
