this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
