she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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