I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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