jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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