alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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