theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
