If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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