I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
