Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
