so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize