i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize