just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
