I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
