I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
two words...techno handjob
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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