I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
