on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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