Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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