I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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