I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
