Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
