I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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