when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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