How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
