Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
