dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize