I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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