I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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