I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
