On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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