Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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