hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
