Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
