I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
