But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is half of my head shaved?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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