why didn't you poke me back
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
