Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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