I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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