It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
