His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They have beer where we have blood.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
