I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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