Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
