I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
