Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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