wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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