Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
