i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love having hate sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
