I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize