i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
