No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
