Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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