Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
