im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
