What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
