Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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