The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
