how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
