If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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