Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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