I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
