She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
