i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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