You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
