so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
