You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
