need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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