I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
