I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
