No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
