She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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