i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
