Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
