Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
